


Dear Evan Hansen, today's going to be a oneshot, and here's why...

by Duskythesomething



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Nonverbal Communication, Suicide, THE POLY TRIO, Will update tags as I go!, also jared deals with a cat, also oh my god?? tagging the trio like what order do the names go, also the jared eats bathbomb meme makes a hidden mention, evan and connor get a cat: the gay adventures of, jared has a bird named robot, this first fic?? SO GAY, uhh kinda semi-verbal evan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-10-02 20:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10226561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duskythesomething/pseuds/Duskythesomething
Summary: this was supposed to be angst?? oops it turned into happy gay cuddlingnot sorry <3





	1. "Are those my shirts?"

“Are those my shirts?” 

Evan spun around, eyes widening and flames of embarrassment beginning to climb his neck and cheeks. "N-no."

"I think they obviously are, Hansen. What the hell are you doing in my closet? Is that my red button-up?" Jared raised a brow, and Evan could see his glasses were slightly out of place.

"N-no! I'm not doing anything!" He tried to defend himself, ready to protest, until the shirt was pulled from his hands. Jared peered down at the soft, faded red fabric, inspecting it closely for a moment before looking back up at him. His hand went to the side of his glasses, adjusting them naturally, but in a way that made Evan's heart twirl.

"Please don't tell me you were sniffing this. You can borrow my cologne if you really want, dude." He sighed, folding the fabric messily and setting it on his desk. He pulled a small bottle of his typical cologne from one of the drawers and tossed it to Evan. 

"I wasn't sniffing them.." He stared down at the tiny bottle. Not much of it was gone, so Jared probably had another in his drawer he used.

He was given a weird look, and Jared crossed his arms, obviously not believing him. He sat on the bed, and Evan joined him, still making sure to put a few feet of space between them. Jared closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds, before finally asking, "Then what were you doing?"  
He fidgeted with the bottle, seemingly very uncomfortable. He flinched when he felt Jared's soft fingertips brush his shaking hands, and looked up to see a concerned look written across Jared's face. "You can tell me anything, dude. Trust me, anything you think is weird, I've probably said or done something twice as fucked up."

It took him a long moment to open his mouth and find the words. He glanced up and met his friend's eyes, before looking down at the bottle again and sighing, "I, uh.. That shirt. Um. You don't wear it often anymore." He finally choked out something almost like a sentence.

Jared raised his brows again, this time in surprise, "Actually, you're right. I don't really wear that one. Why d'you mention it?"

Before Evan could properly process his own thoughts, he blurted out, "Can I have it?"

"Wait, what? Evan, are you okay? W-wait, dude you're not breathing properly, here- uh." Jared's surprise turned into worry quickly as it became apparent that Evan was feeling the blow of his impulsive question. He wasn't sure what to do, so he placed a hand on Evan's shoulder, and guided him to lay down, taking the cologne and setting it aside. "Just uh, just breathe, dude. I'm here, I've gotcha." He laid down beside him, their legs hanging off the side of the bed.

Evan looked terrified. Or at least almost terrified. Did he actually just ask Jared if he could steal one of his shirts? Now Jared was going to hate him and never talk to him and think he was super weird. Jared probably already thought he was weird oh no and now he'd probably think Evan was even weirder and creepy and-

"Evan. Evan! Hey, dude, listen. Just- just breathe. You can have the shirt, it's no big deal. I don't wear it anymore, and it'll fit you, it's fine. No, don't give me that look, it's fine, I promise. You okay now? Breathe easy, dude. I am not letting you die in my bed." Jared's voice brought a wave of relief and calm over him, and, slowly, Evan was able to breathe and regain some sort of composure.

Jared got up from the bed and fetched the old shirt from his desk, tossing it at Evan and hitting him in the face with a chuckle. "Here, you dork." There was a smile in his voice, and a smirk on his face.

Evan sat up and ran his fingers over the fabric, the soft worn feeling soothing to touch. "Thank you.."

Jared chuckled, plopping down closely beside him. Their legs were touching. "Why did you even want it, anyway?"

"It makes me think of you.. it's soft and reminds me of how you don't actually hate me. And uh.. I guess it might still smell like you, maybe.." Evan began to blush again, this time from more than just embarrassment. 

"I fucking knew it. I mean, hey, everyone has their own kinks." Jared gave him a lopsided smirk and a wink. "If it doesn't smell like me anymore, you have the cologne. Or I could just sleep in it for a couple days or something, if that's what you're into. And I mean, I never hated you, Evan. Sure, you're a pain in the ass sometimes, and it scares me half to straight when you stop breathing like that, but you're my one good friend."

This time it was Evan's turn to raise a brow, "Scares you half to straight?"

Jared gave a grin and short nod.

"Jared, you're so gay."

"I appreciate you picking up on that, you cute nerd."

Both pairs of eyes widened, and both pairs of cheeks darkened in color.

"C-cute?"

Jared sighed, running a hand through his hair and fumbling with his glasses, looking away. "Yeah, I'll admit it. You, Evan Hansen, are fucking adorable and it drives me insane. Every time you blush and stutter and give that sincere little smile? God, it makes me so gay."

Evan smiled, looking down at the shirt he clutched tightly in his hands, sitting in his lap. His face was warm, but it felt nice. He leaned to the side a bit, touching shoulders with Jared, making the other boy look over in surprise. No response came, just Jared's arm snaking around his shoulders and giving a gentle squeeze.

"You're pretty cute, too, b-bud." He weakly attempted.

"Okay, I appreciate the attempt at that gay compliment but did you seriously just call me 'bud'? Evan, what the fuck. Please don't instantly buddy-zone me like this, give me a chance first. Damn."

They laughed, and he slipped the shirt over his plain grey one, leaving it unbuttoned. It did still smell like Jared at the collar, but only faintly. As Jared's arm returned to its place at his shoulders, he snuggled in close and mumbled, "You might need to wear this for a few days.. It doesn't smell much like you anymore.."

He heard Jared give a small hum in response, and felt a gentle kiss at his temple. "Fine, but only if you stay the night this weekend and let me cuddle you."

Evan smiled, and could breathe easier now than possibly ever before. He chuckled, "That works."


	2. “You said weird stuff when you were on painkillers.”

“You said weird stuff when you were on painkillers, dude." Jared raised a brow, glancing over at Evan in the back seat. Evan blushed, and shook his head.

"I did not."

As Jared shrugged and turned back to the road, since he was the one driving, Connor gave a sarcastic laugh, "You did too. You said all sorts of weird shit."

"Like what?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know, in all honesty.

With a chuckle, Jared handed his phone to Connor to unlock, and it was then handed back to Evan to watch a series of videos that had been recorded. 

_"Jared, I um. I mean it. You're too shiny and shtufff." Evan's voice drawled out almost incoherently, and there was loud laughter from behind the camera._

_"You got him? Or do we both have to try to carry him?" Jared was the one filming, and the view finally settled on an uncomfortable-looking Connor trying to help Evan walk properly. They didn't seem to be having much luck._

_"I've got it. Just, stop filming, would you? I've had enough of my face on the internet, thanks to you two fuckers." Connor snapped, trying to force Evan to stand straight. The other boy was noodling around, leaning against Connor and mumbling to himself, his eyes half-lidded._

_"Is it the-uh.. the bathbombs? Those. Yeah. They make you sparkly don't they." Evan smiled, looking very pleased with himself for figuring out what he'd been trying to say for a few minutes now._

_Only more laughter came from Jared, the camera view moving back as Evan was helped into his bedroom, and unceremoniously flopped onto his bed. There was a glimpse of Evan's mom in the background, standing in the doorway, and snippets of her voice could be heard, but not clearly._

_"Yeah, we'll be fine! He's in good hands, Heidi!" Jared called, and the view swung back over to Evan, who had rolled over on the bed and was trying to pull Connor down onto the bed with him with a stupidly happy smile. Connor seemed to be giving up, and after shaking Evan's hands from his arm, pushed him over and sat down. Evan instantly grabbed his hand and held it contentedly._

_The first video stopped there._

"These aren't- these can't be real!" Evan yelled at the snickering Jared up front.

"They're totally, real, dude! Just keep watching, it gets better."

He pressed the button on the next video.

_The view seemed to be shaky and wild for the first few seconds, but finally focused on Connor and Evan, still in Evan's bed. This time, the lights were off, and they were only illuminated by the bright light of Evan's laptop screen, some movie playing in the background. Evan's head rested on Connor's lap, his eyes closed and a small smile across his lips. Connor's fingers were brushing through Evan's hair with one hand, the other placed gently on Evan's back. His own attention was on the laptop screen, different colors casting over his pale skin. Bits of audio could be heard, but it was mostly quiet._

_A few seconds later, Evan shifted slightly, and Connor looked down at him, raising a brow and smiling softly. He looked over at the camera when Jared snorted, pausing from playing with Evan's hair to flip Jared off with a genuinely happy smile. The video ended just after._

"Wow, that's so gay." Evan raised a brow, seeing Connor turned in the front seat, watching him.

"Yeah, well. It gets gayer."

He sighed and went to the next video, a long one.

_"Jared don't leaeve meeee..." Evan could be heard sniffling in the background, and the image focused on the carpet just outside his bedroom._

_"Should we go or stay? His mom will be home at some point soon, right?" Jared sounded concerned, and got a huff in response. "No, seriously. I didn't exactly bring a change of clothes or anything, so I'd have to run to get some if I'm gonna be staying over."_

_"I'll stay with him, but you have to go get me some clothes too." Connor sounded content, "My parents will let you in, especially if you explain we're taking care of him for the next couple days. Just grab some shit from my dresser, but don't go snooping around. You can do that at literally any time."_

_"Aw man, but I wanted to snoop around. Who knows what juicy secrets the emo-est of my boyfriends keeps hidden in his bedroom?" Jared laughed, and probably got shoved against the wall, based on the sudden movement on the screen._

_"You say that as if you have more than two of us. And I'm the only dark one, so shut it, Kleinman." The slightly uncomfortable sounds of the two of them beginning to make out were loud._

"What the heck, you guys? I'm drugged up and you're just making out in the hallway?" Evan laughed, turning the audio down.

"I told you, it gets gayer." Jared laughed, and began to laugh harder seeing the irritated, but confused, blushing look on Connor's face beside him.

"You recorded that? Dude."

As they argued, he put in headphones and kept watching.

_"I'll stay, you just go grab some stuff, since you've had him in your lap all night already. I'll wear something of yours, I guess."_

_"That's fine with me. Be back in a little bit, you homo."_

_Footsteps faded out, and the door swung back open to see Evan half asleep on the bed again, mumbling to himself._

_"You guysh were gonna leaf me..?"_

_"No, we weren't gonna leave, baby. Connor's gonna go get him and I some clothes, okay? Lets get you some pajamas. I'm really hoping you can put on your own pants because if you fall on me, I'm wrecked. I'm so tiny, Evan." Jared continued talking, propping the phone up against something. "You're not much bigger than me but like, I'm so weak and tiny, you know? I'm no tree-climbing champion like you, sweetie."_

_At that, Evan's face lit up in a sleepy, happy smile, and he began to mumble about trees and other plant life. Jared laughed, grabbing a loose t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants from Evan's dresser. Jared helped Evan pull off his usual blue shirt and khakis and at least slip on the t-shirt._

_"You get pants on, okay? I'm gonna go see if momma Heidi has something we can get you to eat while your mouth hurts, okay baby? No, no I'm not leaving, stop pouting like that. I'll be back in just a second." Evan looked upset, and crossed his arms. "Put pants on and you can come with me to find something." Evan smiled and nodded, and managed to get the pajama pants on, albeit backwards._

_Jared laughed, but didn't try to correct him. "God, what did they even give you? Is your mouth hurting, dude?"_

_Evan nodded, opening his mouth and pointing._

_"Maybe we shouldn't have taken off the ice pack and shit so soon.. Uh, let's see if we can find another one." He took Evan's hand and led him through the house, to the kitchen. Flipping the light on, he rummaged through the freezer and managed to pull together a plastic baggie filled with ice, wrapped in a couple more baggies so it wouldn't leak or be too cold on Evan's skin. "Here, press this to your cheek, while I find some applesauce or somethin. Is that okay?" At the enthusiastic nod in response, Jared sat the phone against something and began to pull together some applesauce for Evan, and some sandwiches for Connor and himself._

_The video stopped a minute later, and that seemed to be the last one._

"Jared, you're such a mom. A gay mom." Evan laughed, handing the phone back. They were almost at their destination.

"I mean, you're not wrong. I care about you, you doofus. I care about this emo kid too, the one who never left 2005 and probably still prays to Gerard Way every night." Jared smirked at Connor, and got punched in the arm for it.

"Well, I guess you were right. I said some weird stuff. But you guys said and did weirder stuff, so honestly I'm not even that bad."


	3. “Please don’t leave.”

“Please don’t leave..” 

Jared sighed in irritation, ready to explode all over again. He turned around, fists clenched tightly at his sides, jaw set into the most pissed look he could manage. But it all fell apart the moment he saw Evan's face.

The poor boy was sitting on his bed, knees to his chest and arms wrapped so tightly around them he was a little ball of sadness. A few tears crept from the corners of his eyes and dampened the fabric of his jeans.

_Those jeans.. Jared had convinced him to get them. They were something other than Evan's typical khakis, and they went better with some of his shirts and were more comfortable for tree climbing, anyways._

"Why do you even want me here, Evan?" He managed to weakly snap, "Obviously I don't mean nearly as much to you as _they_ do. Zoe, Connor, their parents. God, it's like I don't exist to you sometimes!"

"You're my only fri-"

"Bullshit. I'm not your only friend. I'm not even your only boyfriend, for fuck's sake. If you don't want me to be a part of this relationship anymore, then that's perfectly fucking fine. But don't just ditch me until I get the idea I'm not wanted, you fucking.. ugh." He was at a loss for words. 

A couple more tears made their way down Evan's cheeks, and his eyes didn't meet Jared's. His hand, the one that'd been in a cast for so long, opened and closed anxiously. Jared stared at his hand, the repeated movement both inspiring calm and even more frustration within him.

"Jared.. I'm sorry.."

"I'll just go."

"Please, don't. You'll ruin it.."

Jared felt his eye twitch, and he snapped again. "Ruin what, Evan!? Ruin your good name? Ruin your happy times with _the Murphys_? Do you think I'm going to go just lie and say you cheated on me or something? God, I'm not that low."

"Jared.."

Jared's voice was venom, "I don't want to fucking hear it, Hansen. I get the idea here. I hope you have so much fucking fun with Connor and the gang. I'll find my way out." He turned around again, and began to make his way towards the front door. Soft footsteps followed him, and a hand reached out to grab the back of his shirt. He sighed at length, and turned his head.

Evan was a sad sight to see. Tears streamed down his face. His eyes and cheeks were red and puffy, and the bright hazel color of his eyes looked tragically beautiful. His hand fell from Jared's shirt, and the glasses-clad boy turned slowly. 

"Jared.. please don't leave.. don't go.. not yet." Evan's gaze fell to the floor as he mumbled. "I want you here. Connor wants you with us, too. We.. we have a surprise.. I'm sorry.."

Jared could actually feel the gears in his head start spinning again, and he felt like the biggest asshole who probably ever existed. A surprise? Oh god. It all made sense.  
His hand lifted to the side of Evan's head, cupping his cheek. His thumb wiped away some of the tears from those hazel eyes, and he stood on his toes (plus gently tugging Evan down) to give the other boy a kiss on the forehead. Height differences, even tiny ones, fucking sucked.

"I'm so sorry, baby.. I shouldn't have been such an ass.."

"D-does that mean you'll stay..?"

Jared nodded, pulling Evan into a hug. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, "I'll try to make things up to you, little bear.. I'm so sorry. Does ice cream sound okay?"

Evan nodded, giving a sappy smile, "Connor should be over in a little while, and then we can do the surprise. I'm sorry we avoided you so much.."

"It's okay, I understand now. God, I am one of those gay asshole types, aren't I? Fucking.. Fuck me."

They went back to Evan's room, piling on the bed in a sappy, sniffling cuddle pile. A handful of YouTube videos later, and Connor was suddenly barging in without knocking.

"No manners? Wow, rude." Jared raised a brow, and got a dirty glare in response. "Okay, yes, I am indeed an asshole. You can beat me up for it later, douchebag. I already promised Evan ice cream, and that offer extends to you, especially since I may or may not have talked trash about you."

"You talked trash about me? Surprising." Connor sounded unfazed by the idea, and walked over to them, pulling Evan into a big hug.

"Oh, you know, only the usual shit about how you have a shrine to Pete Wentz in your closet and still wear guyliner to bed so you'll look like the Black Parade in the morning." Jared huffed, crossing his arms.

A pair of lanky arms settled around him, and he smiled, snuggling in. "You're the one who has a box set of the first few seasons of My Little Pony." Connor grumbled into Jared's hair, laughing at his boyfriend's mocking shocked expression.

"I swear to everything, emo kid, if you diss on the ponies, I'll snap your dick in half."

"I'd like to see you try. Now, let's go, you dumbass."

Connor's hand slipped into a comfortable position with Jared's, and Jared's other hand reached out behind him and found Evan's waiting. They became a little train of gay down towards the front door and out to Connor's car. A gay train.

Not too long after, the trio was on their way to a place Jared could probably guess with confidence. An orchard. _The Orchard._

"Are we headed to where I think we're headed?" He questioned, looking towards Evan in the back seat. Evan had stars in his eyes, he looked so happy and excited, but was abnormally quiet. He tended to get like that sometimes, though. Sometimes he just wanted to be quiet and preferred to nod or hum or type instead of speak his responses. Jared was given a happy nod.

"Okay, so we're going to Evan's favorite place in the world. Why, again?"

Connor sighed and rubbed his eyes with the hand not on the wheel for a moment. "Jared, it's Sunday."

"I understand that."

"What is going to be happening on Tuesday?"

"Uh. Tests? I have that stupid Geography test I haven't studied for and uh.."

"Your birthday?"

"My.. oh. OH." His eyes widened and he looked out at the passing scenery. Of course, they'd be too caught up with school during the day, and there wasn't enough time after school to go exploring the way Evan always liked. "Well, this is gay. And I'm a dumbass."

"I try to remind you of that, you know. We have the stuff for a picnic in the trunk." Connor was smirking, eyes straight ahead. He blushed lightly and laughed when he was given a kiss on the cheek and a gentle punch to the arm.

"Well. Evan, is this why you've been so quiet on the subject? If you mentioned it, you probably wouldn't stop, would you?" He glanced back, and got enthusiastic nodding.

Jared sighed, taking in the warmth and content feeling surrounding the three of them.

When they parked a little while later, he stretched his legs and adjusted his glasses, squinting at the open field ahead of them. There were some families out there already, but not many, since it was Sunday. He smiled, relaxing his shoulders and taking in the view. A few muffled words caught his attention, and he turned around to see Connor and Evan unloading the back, a big cooler and a few bags. He was handed a big, soft blanket by Connor, "Here, go find where you want to sit, birthday boy."

Jared nodded, and set out, the grass springy under his feet. He found a spot close to the trees in the shade, and spread the blanket out as best as he could while the other two followed. They all sat down and set out the bags' contents. There was a small cheesecake, a few bottles of soda and juice, some chips and sandwiches, and some other fruit and snack food.

They ate, saving the cake for last, unfortunately. It was small enough that the three of them split it evenly, into decent sized pieces, though Connor put his raspberries on Jared's plate.

"Oh, by the way. Since tree boy here was too excited and impatient, we have some shit for you early."

He raised a brow, and saw Evan instantly reach out for one of the bags that still contained something. It was handed to Connor, and something from inside it was handed to Jared.

"Really, guys? This is really fucking gay, I hope you know. I- oh. Oh.. Is this one from you, Connor? Hah, it's cute. Thank you~" The first package contained a few pride pins, some unneeded (but appreciated nonetheless) glitter, a shirt, and a game he'd been wanting for a little while. Jared moved to hug his boyfriend, but was stopped, and another package, this one very neatly wrapped, was handed to him.

The second package held a pony plushie, a thin (but obviously homemade) scarf, a blanket, and a couple letters. "Evan, this is beautiful, um? Oh my god look at her hair, its so soft!" Jared held the pony, Fluttershy, close to him, and motioned for both of the others to come closer. He wrapped them in the blanket and sat his new stuff aside, back into one of the bags for now. Connor cleaned up the food mess and settled in with them, and they all watched the sun setting slowly. It'd already been that long? Wow.

"Thank you guys.. I'm so sorry I thought.. some stupid stuff.."

"We still love you." Evan mumbled into his shoulder, and Jared looked surprised.

"Oh, done with the silence?" He got a shrug in response. "You do you, little bear. Wanna go exploring here soon before it gets too dark?"

For once, Evan shook his head, "I want to stay here with you and watch the stars come out. We can go exploring sometime soon. Oh, I learned some star and space facts for this!"

"Really, now? We'd love to hear them, sweetheart." Connor smiled, booping his nose and laying down.

They laid in a soft, content, warm pile and watched as the sun set and small stars began to dot the sky. Evan provided commentary in awe, and, honestly? Jared hadn't felt happier in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be angst?? oops it turned into happy gay cuddling  
> not sorry <3


	4. “It’s too cold to walk home. Just stay here instead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay its like 10:00 as im posting this so im so sorry if there are typos?? please lemme know lmao  
> (also i deleted the nsfw-implied oneshot since some people didn't like it and it was eh anyways sorry!)

“It’s too cold to walk home. Just stay here instead.” Connor's voice echoed through the empty house towards him, and Evan shuddered.

"Are you sure..? My mom will probably be worried.." He mumbled, glancing over at his cell phone, currently sat on the coffee table.

Connor came back into the room, dusting off his shirt nonchalantly. "Yeah, it'll be fine. I mean, the parents and Zoe are out of town for the next couple days, so you can stay here. Just call her or text her before your phone dies or the power goes out or something. I have some clothes you can borrow upstairs, by the way." He smiled, leaning against a wall and waiting.

"I mean.. if you're sure.."

"Evan, baby, I'm sure. Now, are you gonna tell momma Heidi you're staying over or not?"

Evan nodded, and took a deep breath. He scooped up his phone from the table and pressed in the number before he could stop himself. "Hey uh, mom? Yeah, I'm at Connor's. It's getting really snowy out so I'm gonna stay over for tonight, okay? Yeah. No, they're out of town. No, I'll be fine, he has extra clothes. You don't have to bring anything, thank you though. I uh- m-mom!" His face flushed a deep red, and his eyes slid over to Connor. The tall boy was confused, and raised a brow silently. Evan's gaze dropped back to the floor and he mumbled into the phone, "No, I don't think any of that will be happening. Y-yes ma'am. We'll be safe, I promise. I love you too, bye."

"I can only guess what she was thinking of." Suddenly Connor was right by him, reaching out to gently place his hand on Evan's back. When he got no response, he began to feel concerned. "Evan? Hey, talk to me, dude. What's going on?"

"Connor.. do you.. uh.. hell.." Evan couldn't seem to find the words. He managed to cough out a full sentence at once, "Areyouthinkingofhavingsexwithme?"

"I- what? I've thought about it before, but no, not particularly." Connor looked confused, and he pushed some hair out of his eyes. "Is that what she was worried about? Fuck, is that what you've been worried about?"

Evan gave a tiny nod in return, turned mostly away from him.

"I'm sorry if I somehow made you think that, little bear. But, no, that's not my intention here. If someday you're comfortable enough for things to go that far, then so be it. But at the moment all I really want is to go curl up in my bed and watch a movie. It's kinda cold and really empty in this big fucking house without the other assholes around." Connor smiled, gently pulling Evan into a hug. He rested his chin on the other boy's head and hummed with content. "Remember, you can always talk to me about anything, I promise. Even if I'm kinda a harsh, cold asshole a lot of the time."

Evan laughed softly, snuggling into his boyfriend's arms happily. He felt safe here with Connor. "I know, thank you. What sort of movie were you thinking?"

"Well, fuck. I hadn't actually gotten that far. Maybe we should scavenge something to eat and figure that out?"

Evan nodded, and let himself be lead into the Murphys' large kitchen. It was mostly clean, only a few papers and things scattered on the counter. He sat himself down at the island/bar and watched Connor start digging through cabinets.

"I hope you're not expecting gourmet, because I'm sorry but I cannot cook to save my fucking life."

Evan laughed, "We can just do popcorn, if you fancy rich kids have that. You know, those kernels you heat so they expand and explode? Those."

"I know what popcorn is, dipshit. If that's what you want, then that works. Do you prefer it burnt or nah?"

"Ew, burnt popcorn."

"Picky."

"Spoiled brat."

"Tree-hugger."

"That one's true and you know it."

Connor paused for a few moments to think, "Nature freak."  
No response came. He looked over from where he'd been tearing open the plastic packaging and shoving the bag into the microwave. "Evan?"

Evan wasn't sitting at the bar anymore. Quickly beginning to worry, Connor made his way back to the living room, and found his boyfriend standing in front of the big windows, watching the snow fall outside. He'd turned the lights off, so the white flakes danced against the settling darkness as the sun set.

"Evan?"

Evan turned around, and smiled softly. "Oh, hey. Sorry about that. I thought I saw something outside and then stopped to watch the snow. It's pretty, isn't it?"

"Huh. It is pretty, I guess. If you're gay like that." Connor smirked, and got a gentle push. "Hey, I'm not wrong, am I? We're both obviously not straight here."

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed."

"I can prove it~" Connor stepped closer. His smile was genuine, but his eyes were mischievous.

Evan took in a small breath, eyes widening, "R-really?"

"May I?"

Evan nodded slowly, and Connor stepped forwards, their lips meeting. They took a few shuffled steps back, and time seemed to stand still. The cold window against Evan's shoulders, plus Connor's hands on his lower back; his own hands reaching up to wrap around Connor's neck, playing with his soft hair; the tiny mewling outside... wait what?

"Do you.. hear that?" Connor mumbled against Evan's lips, his breath warm. He nodded slightly, and Connor stepped back to give him some space. "It sounds like a cat. Maybe it's outside."

"Should we go look for it?"

"I mean, I don't want you getting sick, little leaf." Connor raised a brow, but seemed to be grabbing their jackets as he spoke.

"I'll be fine. I'll be as resilient as a pine tree!" Evan grinned, slipping his jacket on and hurrying outside, switching the front light on.

Connor smiled and shook his head, "You and your trees."

They spent the next ten or so minutes looking around, trying to follow the soft mewling. Eventually, Evan called him over to one of the bushes at the side of the house. Curled up under it was a black and white kitten, its eyes struggling to stay open. Without hesitation, Evan unzipped his jacket and picked up the frozen kitten, tucking it against his chest and going inside quickly.

They didn't speak much at first, too focused on the task at hand. Connor grabbed some towels and a few bowls of warm water. Evan cradled the kitten against his chest, the snow from its fur soaking his shirt and making him shiver. Once they'd warmed the tiny fuzzball, it began to blink and squirm slightly, and they were able to actually look at it. It was white, with black patches. Or black with white patches, they weren't sure. The kitten seemed to be old enough to be without its mother, thankfully, but not able to live on its own, especially in the snow. It seemed to have bluish green eyes.

"Did you know? Most kittens are born with completely blue eyes, and their eye color develops over time." 

"I did not know that, Evan. I also don't know what the hell we're going to do with a kitten. Who is going to take care of this adorable little fucker?"

"Well, at least for now, we are!" Evan smiled, and the adoration in his eyes for the little ball of wet fur on the counter made Connor's heart melt. They were probably keeping the cat. "I think it's a girl. What should we call her?"

"Let's name it after a deadly plant or something. That works for the both of us, right?" Connor gave a sarcastic laugh, but found his boyfriend thinking on the subject.

"What about Tiger Lily? Or just Lily for short! They're extremely poisonous to cats."

"I uh. That works. Wow, I didn't know you knew much about plants other than trees."

Evan shook his head and smiled, gently drying the kitten-Lily-'s fur with a fluffy towel. She mewed at him and took a wobbly step towards him, stumbling on the sleek counter top. Evan giggled and leaned down to kiss her little nose. "I like learning about plants of all sorts. Trees are just my specialty."

"Well, what about bugs? Because we should probably make sure little Lily here isn't carrying any of those with her."

Evan gently held the kitten and began to look through her fur, but didn't seem to know what he was doing.

"Here, give her to me. Can you go to the bathroom and grab me a comb? And I'm gonna need some dish soap in one of these bowls of water." Connor held the kitten similarly, and she sniffed him intently, finally settling on giving his hand a few licks and a nibble for good measure. Once Evan had returned with the required items, Connor poured some soap into the water and began to comb through the kitten's pelt, dropping little bits of dirt and gunk into the water. He found a couple of bugs, but certainly not as many as expected.

Once he'd picked through as much of her fur as she'd allow, he picked her up and plopped her into the sink. "I'm sorry, little flower, but I'm gonna need to at least try to wash you to make sure there's no more bugs in that thin fur of yours. I don't think there is, but a good wash doesn't hurt anyone." He gently poured some warm water over the tiny, shivering body of the kitten, rubbing in some more dish soap to kill any bugs that might've been hiding. Keeping the soap and water away from her face as best as possible, the whole process was over with in a surprisingly short amount of time.

"She seems to be okay with the water!" Evan laughed, seeing Lily try to stick her face under the running faucet and lap at whatever didn't spill off her head.

"So it seems." Connor smiled, rinsing out her fur for the last time. He picked her up and set her in Evan's arms, in another soft towel. Once dried off, she was fluffy and mewling happily.

"By the way, how did you know to do that stuff to get rid of the bugs? Also um.. do you smell burnt popcorn..?"

Without a word, only a pained smile, Connor took the bag of burnt popcorn from the microwave and dropped it instantly in the trash. "We used to own a cat when I was a kid. A full black one named Sparks. I like cats, they're mostly quiet and like to do their own thing. Should I make more popcorn?"

Evan nodded, cleaning up the towels and other kitten rescue and cleaning supplies with one hand, while he cradled Lily in the other. "She might need something to fill her belly, too. Milk. maybe?"

"No, not milk. Cows milk is terrible for cats, most are lactose intolerant, actually. And fish, unless prepared specifically for cats, is also a no-go. I might have some extra bits of chicken in the fridge?"

They settled on that. While the boys ate popcorn (not burnt this time!), they watched the kitten munch on reheated, chopped up bits of chicken. Her tiny mouth couldn't properly hold very much, and couldn't properly eat even less, but that didn't stop her from trying to cram as much in those little jaws as possible. When done, she was sat in a spare box (covered with some newspaper, of course) to do her business and wait while pajamas were obtained and put on.

"Your shirts are so comfy.. I like them." Evan mumbled sleepily, now in a pair of sweatpants and a dark band t-shirt from his boyfriend. Connor was in similar attire, with plaid pajama pants and a similar band t-shirt.

"Well, I'm sure you could steal one or two eventually. Let's get our new daughter and head to bed, okay?" He laughed, also very tired, "We can go get cat-care supplies in the morning, as long as it's not too snowed in and icy out."

Evan blushed, and looked away for a moment, "I mean, I wouldn't mind staying another night.. This went much differently than expected, but it was really nice..!"

Connor smiled softly, tilting his head. His boyfriend, his tree-loving dork of a boyfriend, was absolutely precious. He leaned over to give Evan a quick kiss on the cheek, before heading over to pick up the kitten, and deposit her in his arms. "I'm sure you can stay over again, snow or not. Besides, if Heidi ends up wanting to strangle you for getting a cat, then you'll need somewhere to hide, right? Now, lets go to bed before I fall asleep on you."

Evan nodded, climbing into bed. Connor followed, and wrapped his arms around his squishy boy. Lily curled up in Evan's hair on the pillow, a paw sticking out to touch Connor's fluff as well. She had definitely claimed them, and they somehow claimed her too. Maybe someday, they would get married and have their own place, and maybe their own human children someday? Did Evan even want children? He had no idea, but he was happy with how things were now. No need to take things too fast, just one kitten-pounce at a time.


	5. "It's just you and me this time, huh?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled: jared spends time with a cat and doesn't hate it as much as expected

"It's just you and me this time, huh?"

The kitten looked over at him, blue eyes blinking quickly. It still wasn't the most fond of him, it seemed- constantly attacking his feet, clawing at his hands, and chewing on his hair. To be fair, though, he didn't like the cat either. It was entirely Connor and Evan's idea, and he hadn't wanted anything to do with it.

It wasn't that he didn't like cats, he'd met plenty of sweet, old, fat, lazy cats who only sat around that he'd loved. But young ones? Little demon kittens? He would happily go without. He liked dogs, big dogs preferably, but he loved birds. His own pet was a striking blue parakeet, loved to perch on his finger or shoulder and sing to him while he did homework each night. His name was Robot, and he also loved to nibble on people's faces, but he was a good bird! Much better than some cat.

But with his luck, and his immense love for his boyfriends, Jared Kleinman was stuck with a kitten for several hours.

They were going to go see a play, something Jared wasn't particularly into. Sure, he'd done minimal theater in middle school, but it didn't end up being his thing. Connor was going because Evan wanted him to, and Evan was so excited to see the play that he'd practically leaped into Connor's arms when they talked about it. He hadn't asked Jared whatsoever, but instead gave him a kiss and promised they'd have a date very soon as well.

And, because Evan did not want his precious baby, his little demonic angel of a fluffball, his sharp little nibblebot to get hurt or lost or stolen, he'd adamantly insisted that someone- Jared -stay home and watch the kitten for them since Connor's family wasn't home. And with those stars sparkling in his eyes, Jared couldn't help but agree to it.

The kitten was _not_ an angel. As soon as the boys had left and Jared had plopped himself on Connor's bed, it was attacking his face. Claws tried to pull his glasses off and tiny, sharp teeth pricked at his nose and scalp. He quickly, and roughly, picked it up and held it in front of him, frowning. The cat let out a pained noise, and Jared's brows rose, his hands instantly loosening around its midsection. The fluffball escaped his grasp and dropped to his stomach, before using him as a springboard to leap off the bed. This was going to be a fun night.

Jared turned on his laptop and prepared to finish up a history project he'd been in the middle of bullshitting. They were supposed to write about one of the most influential people in history, and he'd chosen Napoleon. Now that he thought about it, the kitten was a lot like Napoleon; short, angry, and always engaged in warfare (usually with Jared's feet or face). 

He didn't get very far into his writing before there was something sniffing at his ear, paws moving from the pillow behind him to his shoulder gently. His head held still, and he tensed. That must have made the cat tense as well, because it suddenly meowed and bit his ear, before running away again.

"You bitch! Don't fuck up my face too much, I was promised a date, and I want to look good for it!" He yelled after the patchy-colored blur. No response except for some shuffling from the partially open closet.

Jared sighed, and continued his paper. With the kitten hiding for the time being, it didn't take long to write extensively about Napoleon's great accomplishments, even if they weren't for the right things, and how he changed history in France. Next up was English. The prompt they were given to write about was: _What is something you once misunderstood but now enjoy? How has it changed you?_

Something he once misunderstood? He could write about Connor. Or Evan, really. But he didn't like bringing up his boyfriends in classwork, because there was always the change that his paper would fall into the wrong person's hands and he'd get a lot of shit for it. Not that they hid their relationship or anything, but they weren't the most open about it either. Don't ask, don't tell.

So what was he going to write about? The first step in his plan was to go scavenge for food, and feed the cat like Connor had asked.

Jared easily found some leftover chicken and mashed potatoes in the fridge, but he had to look around to find the cat food. It was tucked away in a cabinet, a bunch of little cans with pull tabs and brightly colored labels with fluffy cats licking their chops.

He took down a bright pink can, pulling the top off and setting it on the table. Almost instantly, the kitten leaped up and shoved its face in the can, making lots of gross noises as it gulped down the food. He sat down nearby and got a cautious look from the resident feline, but it resumed eating when he sat his own plate down and began to eat.

"Dude, you're gonna make yourself sick. Hey, hey! Stop that, calm down." He reached a hand out to slow the kitten in its eating, since there seemed to be hardly any breathing while eating. He didn't want to be responsible for killing Evan's cat.

The kitten sniffed his hand, giving it a few rough licks and a surprisingly gentle bite, before ducking its head and trying to reach at its food once more. When he covered the can with his hand, the cat turned its attention to his food, and came over to investigate. He gave it a tiny nibble of chicken, which it gobbled up the moment he set it down.

And then, the cat began to purr.

It hadn't been this civil with Jared in the entire 3 weeks his boys had owned it. Maybe if it was kind enough, he'd remember its name properly. Lilith? Lilac? Lily. 

But this? This was sweet. The kitten kept trying to get more chicken from his plate, even when he shoved the food can under its nose, almost smiling in that cat-like way. It was... kind of cute. Jared eventually stood and finished his food that way, but he did give the cat another bite of chicken before finishing. It was sweet, being kind to this thing.

They went back upstairs and settled on the bed, and the kitten resumed its evil activities of attacking his feet while he tried to think of something to write. His socks would probably have holes in them by the time he went home if it didn't stop soon.

"Hey! Get your grubby paws off! I do not consent to this foot touching!" He called to it, and it looked up at him with large, blinking eyes. A paw reached out slowly.

"Don't." The paw kept moving slower and slower, close to his toe.

"Don't do it you fluffy hoebag." He warned, and the cat booped his toe, before pulling its paw back and sitting up, tilting its head.

He sighed, setting his laptop aside, "What do you want? Play?"

Begrudgingly, Jared got up and found one of the toys Connor had in his room. One of the store bought ones, a colorful stick with a long string that had feathers and a bell on the end. The kitten seemed to love it, leaping and twisting and attacking the little jingly feathers the moment they moved. Jared began to laugh, turning on some music so it'd seem like the fluffball was dancing.

They played like that for at least half an hour, getting rougher and faster and more intense until the kitten collapsed on the floor, panting and attempting to purr. It blinked slowly at him and stretched, content to be done playing. Jared sat down beside it, his back braced against Connor's bed. He reached a hand out, and then just a finger, to gently stroke the side of the kitten's belly. It didn't move, but turned its head to look at him, blinking slowly again.

He stroked the kitten- Lily -again and again with his finger until it got up and moved to his lap. And then his hands wouldn't leave that black and white fur. He carried Lily into bed with him and sat her in his lap, one hand holding her in place and stroking her neck while the other hand reached for his laptop.

_Jared Kleinman  
Period 4_

_One thing I've misunderstood most of my life is cats. I never liked them, even the lazy ones I got along with. Cats are terrible: mean and unloving, or so I thought. But after spending some quality alone time with a kitten, I think my views may have shifted._

_Did you know that a cat's eyes are only blue at birth, usually? Some breeds keep their blue eyes their whole life, but most lose the color as they get older! I've been learning cat facts while getting to know the previously mentioned kitten. Her name is Lily, and she belongs to my boyfriend. Her fur is black and white and her eyes are a very bright blue! I wonder now if she'll keep that eye color when she grows up, or if she'll only have them as a kitten. If the later is true, I might have to take pictures of her now to capture that striking beauty._

_Lily and I did not get along at first. She's very playful and mischievous, and enjoys attacking my feet. She doesn't care for other people's feet, but my own are like her own private toy. My face is also a favorite toy, as she often tries to remove my glasses. Maybe she thinks my eyes are pretty in the same way I think hers are? Or maybe she just wants to chew on my nose._

_As I write this, Lily is curled up in my lap, for the first time ever. I have only just pet her for the first time a few minutes prior, and played with her for the first time a little while ago. Her belly fur is soft, and her cheeks are plush. She loves to rub her cheeks on things! My bag is covered in Lily fur already! I'm beginning to enjoy her presence a great amount more than I'd ever expected, and I almost want to steal her away to meet my bird, Robot- although I'm afraid she'd try to eat him!_

_I think this experience has showed me that I shouldn't just judge everything the moment I see it. Sometimes, you have to wait for that perfect opportunity, like how I had to wait for Lily to warm up to me first. I've learned that I should be kinder from the start and try to understand the other side's point of view. I'm sure to Lily I was just a grumpy human, just as she was only a feisty cat to me. Hopefully I can make up for the lack of cats in my life in the future, as long as I remember to let them warm up first. You shouldn't charge right into an animal's life and space and expect them to instantly love you, the same way it is with humans._

_I'm glad I got to meet such a sweet kitten, and I'm excited to continue pursuing a relationship with this kitten over time. Will keep updated!_

Jared looked down at the cat in his lap, partially dozing off. He stroked her fur gently and pressed a kiss to his fingers, and then to her forehead. Her tail shifted, but she stayed curled up on him, and he managed to fall asleep sitting up like that.

Connor and Evan later returned to see Jared slumped over in an awkward position on the pillows, with Lily curled up against his chest, and his laptop kicked towards the end of the bed. They took a picture and straightened him out, but left him to sleep, happy that he'd finally made peace with their fluffy daughter. He may have gotten a C on his English assignment, but it was worth it. And the solid B+ on the History bullshit was even better. Napoleon cat for the win!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! so sorry i haven't been updating nearly as much as i want to, school's been rough! i hope this is decent enough quality, but i'm posting it right before bed so it may have a few mistakes in it! please feel free to let me know if i messed up on anything!
> 
> also, you can look forward to a much much longer oneshot here sometime soon (i hope) to make up for my lack of posting! trans boy connor coming up as soon as i can! thank you all so much for reading, and all of the nice comments! they really help keep me going when writer's block is on my tail!


	6. Family Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: feelings suck and i don't like them
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> Suicide  
> Implied abuse  
> Implied self harm

He clicked onto the boy's Facebook page for the first time in over a month. He'd deleted the app from his phone and rarely got on it while on his laptop, so it wasn't hard to avoid the things that would hurt him on there.

Those things being pictures, mostly.

Pictures of the boy and his girlfriend so happy. Kissing, cuddling, staring into each other's eyes. It was mushy and lovey and he wanted nothing to do with it if it didn't involve him.  
Unfortunately, Jared couldn't avoid Evan and his girlfriend when they were at school. Not entirely, at least.

At first he'd started skipping occasionally until his parents found out. Now he just sat as far away from them as he could and refused to interact. Eventually, they stopped trying. Jared had become the mean, lonely asshole again. And that was fine because being cold meant he could grieve on his own.

Jared loved Evan Hansen. He loved the way Evan's eyes lit up when he was happy, and the way his voice squeaked when he was super excited. He loved Evan's freckles and warm hands and shy smile. And Jared couldn't have fucking any of it because Evan had someone else. Evan finally had Zoe Murphy, the girl of his fucking dreams.

Sure, Jared had tried to be happy for them at first despite the pain. He'd known Evan for years and now he had no chance, so it was only natural to be a bit pained. But that pain wore on and on as it became clear the happy couple was intended to remain a happy couple for a very long time. And he was done with it.

Scrolling down the page, his eyes scanned the recent posts. Some pretty nature pictures, a few textposts between him and friends (including between him and Zoe), and then he found it. A single picture.

 _I promised to be hers forever, if she'll let me!_  
Evan and Zoe both with promise rings. If that didn't mean he had no chance with Evan now, then what did? Jared was completely alone again. He had no one.

He clicked to like the photo and then closed out of everything on his laptop. He opened up a document he'd written beforehand, and set the laptop on his dresser. They'd find it later.  
Taking a deep breath, he stretched, cracking his back. It was time.

Jared glanced around the room he'd known all his life. The faded blue walls that had once been covered in glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs and stars, but now held scars from posters and punches and time. His eyes fell to his bed and the few contents on it. Old blankets he'd patched and sewn back together time and time again. Pillows flattened from years of tossing and turning. A few stuffed animals he'd saved from the wrath of growing up. One stuffed animal in particular stood out to him, and he picked it up.

It was a stuffed rabbit. A soft dark brown with blue on the inside of its ears and the bottom of its paws and on its nose, and a pale, faded orange bow on its neck.

Evan had gotten it for him, and as much as he'd wanted to throw it away recently, he found himself sleeping with it clutched in his arms. When he woke up every morning, he'd shove it to the end of his bed. But when he got home in the evenings and fell into bed, he always reached for it and held it close. It currently reminded him now of how pathetic he was. It reminded him of how he was nothing more than a hurt kid who never had anyone who cared in the first place. It reminded him of how everyone believed he was a good kid, a sarcastic asshole who everyone knew about somehow. But knowing everyone didn't mean anyone really knew him. It reminded him of the scars on his skin and the scars on his heart and the pain he'd suffered for too long in silence.

With a huffing sigh, Jared turned away, and grabbed a scrap of paper. He scribbled a few words on it and scavenged for a safety pin, before pinning the note on the rabbit's front. Now he was actually ready.

Sinking to his knees in front of his dresser, Jared almost felt like praying for the first time in years. He'd given up on believing in anything a long time ago, and hadn't once felt the urge to turn back until then. His hands shook as they pulled open one of the bottom drawers and pulled out a bottle. NyQuil. Pathetic, but easy enough to buy without anyone being suspicious. 

Suddenly, as his hands cracked open the seal on the bottle and threw away the little plastic cup, Jared felt calm. Calmer than he'd ever felt before. He considered placing his hand over his heart just to see if it was still beating, but didn't. He opened the bottle and sat down on his bed, setting his glasses on the small table beside him.

His mind was full of thoughts, and full of regret, but not enough to make him stop, not enough to make him put the bottle down or make him stop drinking it once he started. It tasted awful and he gagged, sickly purple liquid spilling down his chin and onto his shirt. Once the entire bottle was gone, he drank almost an entire bottle of water, and wiped off the mess he'd made. He was ready to take a very long nap.

Already exhausted mentally and physically, he found himself becoming more and more aware of the fact that it was happening. He couldn't turn back even if he wanted to on his own, and panic surged under his skin. He struggled to breathe and think and everything was too much at once. He was confused, tired, and regretful. He reached out a hand to grab the rabbit and pulled it close to his chest, lying down. The paper probably crumpled, but he was in no state to care.

He mumbled to himself in his confusion. He told himself how sorry he was and how what he was doing was a bad idea, but his words fell on only the ears of himself and the rabbit in his arms. He held it in front of him and the sad, lifeless eyes staring back at him reminded him of Evan.  
Evan, oh Evan.. How was Evan going to feel about this? Would he think it was his fault? Would it cause problems between him and Zoe? Or would it just bring them closer? Would his parents finally stop fighting and learn to care because of this? Would his school say something about him? How would his friends remember him?

Jared's eyes struggled to stay open, and with each slow blink more and more burning tears fell onto his pillows. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't fight it anymore.  
With a last mumbled apology to the empty air in his room, Jared Kleinman closed his eyes and let go. Within minutes he slept, and within hours he'd gone cold. They found him the next morning clutching a stuffed rabbit with a note.

_For Evan Hansen_  
_I hope it comforts you as much as it did for me._  
_I love you, Family Friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry i haven't updated lately guys, school's been rough. i'm also sorry this one is so short and sad, o o p s..  
> your continued support means everything to me!


	7. Cactus Pants Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of a joke that started in the voice chat of my discord group...
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> Nsfw stuff mentioned  
> [nothing graphic]

Evan's eyes narrowed and he glanced around. No one was near. It was the perfect time for him to do what he'd been dreaming of for almost a month or more now.

As much as Evan loved his boyfriend, Connor's mother was someone he just didn't understand. Her always-changing obsessions confused him and wrought pain on her family constantly. At this point in time, Cynthia loved plants. And while Evan would usually adore having someone else to be excited about plants with, she didn't take interest in the same way he did. She didn't research things correctly and relied on happy aesthetic mom blogs for most of her information.

Evan, on the other hand, preferred to research things fully and know everything he could about something before making any decisions about it. He'd tried time and time again to remind Connor's mother how to take care of her plants, and she rarely listened. Especially when it came to her cactus.

It sat outside on their patio, in a small plastic pot with no holes and not enough dirt. And Cynthia literally never watered it. She claimed that she did, but from the way the plant visibly sagged and the horrible dry brown color it held, she didn't. Evan had seen her water it once, and that was back when she'd first gotten it. She claimed that it didn't need hardly any water anyways, that's what all the blogs said! They said a cactus is a great plant for beginners and kids since they don't need much water!

But no, Evan knew better. He tried to water the cactus when no one was looking, but that was rare since Connor was almost always by his side. But now that Connor was inside for a few minutes and Cynthia was occupied somewhere else, he finally had the chance to give that little cactus the better life it deserved, with proper bedding, food, water, and love. The problem was, he wasn't expecting his plan to happen so soon, and hadn't brought a suitable bag or jacket to carry it in. That left one option... his pants.

Taking another glance around him, Evan slowly stood from the chair he'd been resting in on the patio and stretched casually. He walked over to the plant, pretending to admire it, and blocking it from view of the back door. In a few quick motions, he undid his belt and pants buttons, and shoved the cactus into his pants. Thank god it was a small cactus, otherwise he'd be feeling some tight pain. Now just to make it home without Connor or his family seeing or stopping him...

"Hey Ev, I'm gonna- What are you doing?"

He froze at the sound of Connor's voice and a shiver danced down his spine. He quickly struggled the cactus out of his pants and winced as the sharp plastic pot jabbed at his stomach and other sensitive spots. He called over his shoulder, "N-nothing, babe! You were saying?"

Connor came closer and looked over his shoulder, "Evan, what are you doing holding my mom's cactus against your crotch? Please tell me if you have a plant kink dude, I'm really not going to judge too hard."

Evan's face reddened, and thoughts he'd previously tried to ban from his mind swarmed him once again. He shuddered as a chill from the devil himself caressed him, and his voice cracked as he spoke, "ThAt's NoTt someThiNG I'd like t-to TaLk aboUt, ConnOR." 

"I'll accept that as a yes and move on. Please don't ruin my mom's poor, innocent plants." Connor's long arms wrapped around Evan's shoulders, hugging him tightly, "How about we go up to my room and you can hang out there while I shower, huh? There's no plants but we have wifi and I don't really care what you do in there."

Evan nodded and put the cactus down once Connor let go and stepped back. He quickly buttoned up his jeans again and brushed off any broken spikes from the cactus. Connor went back inside and Evan followed him dejectedly, giving the cactus a sad backwards glance.

Once Connor had left him alone Evan was ready to reinvent his plan and make it work this time. He hurried over to Zoe's room and knocked rapidly on it.

She slowly opened the door, already knowing who it was. She raised a brow, "What's up?"

"I need your help stealing something from your mom without Connor or your parents finding out please help me I already almost got caught once and-"

Zoe sighed, and pulled him inside before shutting the door. She pushed him onto her bed so he'd sit and crossed her arms, "Okay I have questions. Start explaining."

Evan gave an anxious grin and let all his feelings on the matter burst, "Your mom doesn't take care of her cactus! It's dying!" Zoe rolled her eyes but said nothing, so he continued, "I want to smuggle it back to my house so I can properly take care of it but I didn't bring a bag or jacket to hide it in. I tried to put it in my pants but Connor almost caught me and I don't know what to do.. Zoe please help me." He whined, giving her the biggest puppy eyes possible.

She shrugged, "What do I get out of it?"

"I'll buy you frozen yogurt every day this week."

"Deal. I'll try not to break your bank, though. What do you want me to do? I'd rather not get dead cactus in any of my bags. I guess I can drive you home if you want? We can say Heidi called you home early for something urgent." She grinned, pushing some hair behind her ear. Evan nodded and thought for a long moment.

"I'll stuff it in my jeans again, and you help hide me and get me through the house?"

"Fine. I just hope your... uhhh I hope you end up not hurt by the cactus. Ready to go?" Evan nodded again, and she grabbed her car keys. 

Zoe led the way downstairs and they slipped out onto the back patio again, Zoe keeping an eye on the upstairs windows and back door in case anyone was watching as Evan, once again, shoved the cactus in his pants. He winced again as it jabbed against him but gave Zoe a pained smile. She laughed at him.  
The two made their way towards the front door, and the plan seemed to be going well, until Cynthia stopped them. Evan was hidden behind Zoe, so the cactus remained hidden, but he was becoming more and more uncomfortable.

"Hey, you two! Want something to drink? I've been reading about this really cool healthy drink mix and I finally made some!" She smiled sweetly, and Zoe grimaced.

"Thanks, mom, but no thanks. Heidi called Evan home early, something went wrong with her computer and she needs help fixing it so I'm taking him back." The lie slid through her lips easily with a natural smile. Cynthia turned to Evan, and he remained mostly hidden by Zoe's body.

"Oh no! I hope her computer is okay, sweetheart. If it's still messing up then let us know and maybe Larry can take a look at it when he gets home, okay? I'll save some juice for you!" She reached over to pat his shoulder and he nodded quickly.

"Will do, thank you! Will you tell Connor I left? I'll text him tonight." Cynthia nodded, and the two teens were able to escape without her noticing the potted plant jutting from Evan's pants.

When they reached Zoe's car and got in, she burst out laughing. Evan sighed and removed the plant from his jeans for the second time that day. "Just drive, please."

"Oh my god that was hilarious! I don't know if I've ever seen you so pale holy shit!" She snorted, starting the car and backing out of the Murphys' drive. Evan nodded and began picking needles from the front of his jeans, pricking his fingers several times. When they reached his house Zoe gave him a hug, and he fell into bed with the cactus on his bedside table, finally watered properly. He'd get a better pot and everything later.

"Evan, honey? Where did you get a cactus?"

"IstoleitfromConnor'smombecauseshedidn'ttakecareofitanditdeservesbetter." He groaned, face buried in his pillow. He felt his mom gently pat his back.

"Okay then, honey. I'll be out late tonight, okay? There's-" She began, but Evan finished the sentence for her.

"There's money on the counter for food, I know. Thank you, mom."

She laughed and kissed the back of his head, "Get some rest honey, and respond to your texts at some point. Your phone is blinking like crazy. I love you!"

When she left, Evan finally sat up and turned on his phone. Several messages cluttered his notifications. He read them as he changed into pajamas and laid down.

_Connor, at 4:24 pm: dude you took the fucking cactus what the fuck_

_Zoe, at 4:39 pm: Con found out, mom is confused and thinks one of the neighbors stole it. she doesn't really care tho bc shes moved onto her juice stuff. good job, partner._

_Jared, at 6:20 pm: I FUCKING KNEW U HAD A PLANT KINK EVAN U CAN'T HIDE IT FROM KINKY KLEINMAN I'VE SEEN U STARE AT THE GARDEN CENTER AT WALMART U HOE OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN'T EVEN TRUST U ANYMO..._

He sighed and turned his phone off again. The cactus was safe, and his jeans were ruined. But it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to cactus pants hell, enjoy your stay.


	8. Hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big ol' author's note

Hey guys, Dusky here!  
I'm so sorry I haven't been posting or replying to comments, I promise I've seen them and appreciated them!

The thing is, at the moment, I have no desire to continue writing oneshots for Dear Evan Hansen.   
I haven't been writing at all lately, tbh. It's finals time at school and I have a possibly busy summer ahead of me, so I've neglected to work on any writing for _any_ fandom.

Of course, once school lets out in a few days, I'm going to try to write more, but I can't guarantee it'll be for this. My involvement and obsession with stuff comes and goes, y'know? Hopefully in a few weeks or a month or so I'll get back into DEH full swing, but I can't promise anything, it could be a year or more before I start writing this stuff again. During the time I'm not writing for DEH, though, hopefully I'll find something else to work on, so that when I come back, I'll be a billion times better at writing our favorite musical cast! I don't think it's fair to you guys for me to try to write about something I'm not passionate about, since the outcome will be sub-par.

If you'd like to, feel free to read my other stuff, whether it be older trashier stuff, or new stuff once it comes out! And remember, you can always find me on Tumblr @duskythesomething!   
(Also, side note, I just got a pair of parakeets to take care of for the summer and they're so cute! Two sweet boys, Sky and Hazel! I'm planning to train them, and you can see updates about them on my Tumblr!)

That's all for now, thank you for staying with me!


End file.
